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A brand New World..

Since Im having major issuse with this blog Ive changed .. Follow me here please.. .


http://ratarobinette.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/hello-world/

A Open Letter to Myself

      Sometimes when I sit down to read a blog, I wonder to myself is this their authentic voice coming through the pages or are they just pretending to get a "huge Following".. Well for those of you who read this, if its anyone besides my friends, within theses pages you will find me ..
         If you look behind the screen you will find a (almost) 37yrold wife to my wonderful husband who isn't afraid to work for his family, Mother of the most  amazing young Women that you will ever have the chance to meet.. It breaks my heart that they are growing up so fast , I sit back an wonder where my babies went too.. It seems just like yesterday I was juggling  kids in the Primary school , a toddler and one on the way.. The days of sleepless nights, bottles, diapers and homework seem so far away.. But what I miss is having all my babies together and their cuddles... When I could take them into my arms and with a kiss an hug make the world right for them once again.. That the biggest pain they would ever face could be magically fixed with hugs&kisses.. Granted my life hasn't been full of rainbows and kittens.. There was a lot of pain, stress and trials to get me to where I am in my life. But there was also love for every pain, joy for every trial an peace for every moment of stress..

          For I am a Convert to "The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints", yes I meet a 19 year old boy who changed my life forever..Who changed my family forever, for he gave me the most precious gift I could ever receive...He taught me how my family can be Eternal, how death doesn't have to separate us..He taught me that Heavenly Father loves all this children , no matter how bad we screw up.That if we have a contrite heart, ask forgiveness for my sins that the ATONEMENT is there for me ..No matter what.. There has been many missionaries come and go in my life since that fateful October day in 2008, but I still Remain close to handful of them.. I am proud to call them my family, and yes I miss them so much ..There are days that these very special souls are on my speed dial, an they always listen to me no matter how crazy I sound..Being a  convert means that I speak another language from the rest of my family and friends.. An on the days that I long for a good gospel discussion *Yes Britt.. its you Im talking about ** I know who to call.. An just talk it out without having to give a defination for every other word out of my mouth. .LOL.. :OP

For Some reason ,which I have no clue why , Heavenly Father made me with a smart mouth that has no filter.. So whatever Im thinking usually comes straight out my mouth..*not a good thing if you ticked me off LOL* Also I hate Changes, I hate letting people get close to me because I fear rejection or losing them..But on the upside if I love you .. I will love you forever ,no matter what .. I am a friend that you can call at 3am because I m still awake.. I may not have lots of money but I will give any help I can to anyone ( an that usually comes back to bite me but oh well!!)
     I am a daughter to my "origanl" parents (thats a reference from my SIster Lisa) . I have two brothers whom I love with all my heart , they may not be blood but they are from my heart so that is where it counts.. Just because you have the same blood running through your viens it doesnt make you family.. Fammily comes from our heart, your soul the connection that you feel with another.. I have another set of parents watching over me from Heaven , my baby sister is with them.. But Heavenly Father has sent me more sisters to help me get through this earth, Tara (Twit), Terra (Tigger),Ms Ash...*oh how I miss you Arizona), Ms Mollie*I need some cuddle time with your cuddle bug* ,Sweet dear Kenzie, an last but Never least my Britt * I miss our gospel conversations.. I miss you**The sad part about this list is that all of them but one live on the other coast.. Oh how I miss you.. Then I have the most amazing brother / Sister in laws that a girl could ever ask for.. You know the ones that you can run to with tears streaming down our face ,an they make it ok.. or how they stand by your side even when your marriage was falling apart at the seems.. I can never do enough to show them my love an gratiude..

   When people ask me about my Testimony I tell them I am a work in progress because I firmily beleive i will not be done learning, growing or changing until after I take my last breath here .. and not even when I take my first breathe across the veil.. I am not perfect just striving hard daily to be found worthy to return back to my father in heaven.. To be the daughter that would make him proud. to be the mother to the chidren that he blessed me with, to all be reunited in Heaven one day..

 Well enough of my rants I will be closing for now.. Until next time...



    
    

Updates in the Choas that I call my life..

       Ok in the month that I have last updated  a LOT has been going on in this crazy life I call mine.. I love my girls but our days have been filled with moving boxes, home work , band activites and running to an fro... Life is now fillled with Seminary Mornings, rushing them to the High School soon after..then picking them up in the evenings with band.. then band competions on the weekends..

     In the days of endless running and choas I miss my babies running around the house filling it with toys and chatter.. but I am also excited to be in this stage of my life. To be the Woman that Heavenly Father created me to be. To be the best wife and mother I can be.. to be the best sister ,  and friend ...

    Even though Heavenly Father took my only sister home to be with him 16yrs ago , he has giving me Many to hold my hand, to pray with me , or just to put up with my crazy rants.. An I love each and every one of them.. Yes, Tara Lynn , Terra Beth, Mollie, Ashley Hovick- LeMieux, an last but never least Mackenzie Meyer-Taylor.. I love you crazy women with all m heart , and soul.. You each have been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lift me up in prayer when I couldnt see for the darkness that surronded me.. Your apart of my family, my heart an will forever be..

    SO all my bright beautiful Sisters when you will you please come home and visit me.. These long-distance is killing me.. Your East Coast family needs you, to hug you and to love you.. No pressure though, i know all about lives, jobs , kids an Money.. Just know that your never alone and Im always here just a phone call or txt away...  

Ashley…

Sitting here at KDMC with Ash.. She has been through hell and back in the last two weeks.. First of all she developed an abscess, which I am no stranger too.. It was caused by her sugars being too high..Then after the surgery to remove the infection in he abscess she developed the Flesh Eating Bacteria Virus on top of septic..

I know that without the blessing she was given by our full-time missionaries that we have currently serving in our ward. I know without a shadow of a doubt she was closer to the veil than she was here.. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for restoring the Priesthood power to the Earth..

Now she has two blood clots in her right arm, an one in left arm.. She is also in the beginning stages of kidney failure. But I know through the power of prayer and the loving grace of our Heavenly Father He can bring her through this and anything else in her way from a full recovery..

So right now I am currently taking the Night shift at the hospital so her Mom and Dad can sleep.. Her other family members can take the time during the day.. I am not complaining a bit, I love her so much .. I can remember her being a baby sitting on Mom Gibbs knee.. Hearing her say “Run Petey Run..” oh .. how the memories have flooded my mind of Mom and Dad Gibbs as of lately.. I wish  I could hear their precious voices once again..But on the other hand I am so glad they are not here watching their granddaughter go through this hell .. So as I close with a final thought I am asking you to pray for my niece… Whether you believe in a higher power or not.. she can use all the prayers , love and positive support her way..

Another School Year…

Oh my in less than 24 hours my babies will be officially high school students..Where has the time gone, it feels like yesterday that they were toddlers running around my feet.. now they are beautiful independent women..

As of in the morning I will have a sophomore and a freshman at RUSSELL HIGH SCHOOL.. oh my oh my I  am feeling rather old today.. Well the back packs are bought, filled with school supplies(papers and pens) , their shoes are bought..now its time to find that “right” outfit to wear.. then off to school in the am..

Happy Birthday Baby Sister..

Today you were born upon this earth, you were truly and angel that existed on this earth for the brief years you graced us with your love and presence. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and talk to with you for I would never want to bring you here for where you are you are truly free in the presence of our Heavenly Father.. I wish I could hear your sweet laughter once again but I know I will one day.. and on that day that we are reunited we will never have to part again. I know your watching over me and my girls from the beautiful skies above.

I can still remember seeing your beautiful smile in September when I was in a coma. I felt no fear just love, peace and acceptance. I so wanted to just to be able to hold you in my arms once again , but you stopped me that’s when I remembered my beautiful girls . .. and what my loss would mean to them.. I thank you for that.. for without them I don’t know where I would be..

Baby Sister I just want you to know how much I love you.. I know if you were still with us you would have a been a very distinguished doctor prolly with a million babies running around.. So many people are still stuck in 1995 with you , your so loved and missed.. Danny and Amy became medical professionals because of you.. Because of you Nancy was able to move on find love, and become such and amazing artists.. Your friends that have children now take them to meet you to tell them WHY not to drink an drive.. Oh My if you could see Alana Gail now, shes not a baby anymore but a beautiful amazing woman… Oh how much I love an miss you sissy.. This is not a goodbye its until I'm with you again..

Unexpected Blessings..

There has been many many unexpected blessings come our way in the last two wks.. Heavenly Father is answering many prayers that have long been praying.. I know the scriptures say that “Heavenly Father will only answer prayers that are for our benefit ,”but sometimes its so hard to hang on when your praying and you see nothing Change..

 

I am not going into the Changes right now, I am requesting that you guys still pray for me because its not over yet..But this battle that I have been struggling with for far too long is almost over.. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels when I was in coma full of love, peace and just blessings..

Moving…

Seeing your life hauled into contents of boxes, stirs up emotions an sometimes memories.. I hate moving , I hate trying to plan what usually becomes utter chaos. because no matter how many boxes you have , you will always need more.. An I don’t know why but in my household something always ends up broke. Whether it be a picture frame, or something as big  as a latch on an appliance.

As I am surrounded by what feels like a million boxes, there are easily a million memories that go with each box.. Sometimes its as easy a card that I had received in the mail, “ you know the kind Im just thinking of you today” or a report card from a long ago year..
Like with each passing of the school year that is a milestone that will never be crossed again. As I long for stability in my children’s life. I know the most important things is NOT where we live but how we live.. Its more important that we are all together, united as one household*One Family* jn stead of living separate worlds.. *Yes I do realize the Journey Reference, even though its after 5am I'm awake enough to catch a good song.. *

On a much happier note I was able to purchase tickets for the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part2 ….In 3D ….with line skip…  I know might not seem that exciting to you guys out there but the last time Alana and I saw Harry Potter in 3D*even though it as on IMax* was because she was soo sick in Children's in Cincinnati .. an that movie was Goblet of Fire… so that tells you something right.. I know we will need about a billion boxes of tissues but I think the 3D effect will make you feel apart of the battle which is what happens when you read anyway.. An yet that is and end of an Era,,

Life is a great circle full of movement , and Road blocks..

While visiting a dear friend of mine this past week I noticed stenciled on her wall, FAMILY , A JOURNEY TO ENTERITY.. *or something to that affect for I was quite emotional * ..

Well any who that has gotten this mind of my whirling.. For I am one of those that personally believe that we lived in Heaven before we came down here to take upon this mortal body.. And before I start rambling into Primary Songs, I know that live is hard , its full of roadblocks, heck even our own personal Hurricanes and tornado's .. We may not be affected by them physically but we can be emotionally, mentally or even spiritually..  I think the ones that know me best, know I have been in the middle of my own Spiritual hurricane.. An I like anyone who has ever survived a hurricane knows I battened down the hatches around my heart, my home , my family..

I have never been on to be an open book to others, to be able to ask for support if I truly needed or even let people know I was drowning.. My life has been full of love, laughter and even devastation, There has been many things that I have overcame , that would have killed a lesser woman.. I am not being boastful or arrogant .. I am just simply stating the things that I have overcame in this lifetime would warp your mind if you allowed it.. But once I had my beautiful daughter my survival became for most in my life, for I had to survive to take care of her.. She was my world, my very reason or existing.. All three of my children are, even when they’re trying my patience and turning me grey.. 

Looking over the last 4 years of my life there has been many changes, many ups and downs. Some of them blow my mind or I couldn’t imagine how empty my life, and my family would have been without some of these blessings… How people I didn’t know Four years ago , I would lay my life down for now if they needed it.. I am thankful for the love and support you all have shown me, an brand new world I never knew existed.. For when you say your love someone they actually mean it.. For people showing they love ,support me without wanting to hurt me or something first for them selves.

Granted I would love to take away some of the challenges that we have had , and continue to have but one thing I've learned is that even when we are walking into our own personal “living nightmare or hellish existence” Heavenly Father is always there with us loving us and wanting us to turn to him.. Sometimes when we pray its not that he’s not listening .. its just that the answer is not for our benefit so that’s why we are getting silence. . He loves us so much an only wants things for our benefit.. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father who is bedside me each step of the way on this side of mortality and waiting for me on the other side of immortality For when this race is finished I know that my home will be with my loved ones.. I am so Thankful that I know that Families are Forever.. .

Changes an Self Reflection

I am not the biggest fan of Changes, whether those changes are good for me or bad.. I have such a hard time letting people in and get close to me , for my biggest fear is rejection. Of loving someone and not being loved in returned. So If you have breached the wall that I have been around myself “Congratulations” because its not easy but yet its not something I can change.

One of my greatest quirks about myself that I am starting to find as one of my greatest strengths … Is that I tell you exactly what I am thinking.. an Feeling (most of the time LOL) the feeling part is still a great work in progress.. I am so tired of all the people whom seem to think that your life is their business, and if you don’t let them into your life they just make up an spread lies about you anyway.. I’ve been out of High School an long time now and yet some people never out grow that mentality of “Clicks” or destroying other people with their mouths. I am usually very tolerant of their stupidity but once they drag my children or family into their drama I See “RED” and all complete rational thought go out of my brain an my mouth goes into over-drive .. Yes I do see that as a flaw and I am currently working on the problem..

Life is crazy hard enough without other people trying to drag other people down.. So please encourage, love other people and like your mother told you ( or if she didn’t I will ) if you have NOTHING good to say then Say NOTHING at all. You don’t know what other people are experiencing in their lives, you don’t know their heartaches, stress or even medical problems .. so learn to leave your comments to yourself unless its full of love an appreciation for life is too short for all the DRAMA!!!

Reflecting on Summers past…

Summer has arrived in full force here in Kentucky and one of the things that I hate about summer is not the heat but the humidity..  According to my trusty Weather Channel App its 90 degrees outside but feels like 96 degrees UV index is HIGH …and this is only the last day of May.. I have a feeling we are in for another hellish summer.. Well tonight is Graduation Night in Ashland, my girls have to play in the band for graduation. Luckily or not for them it will be outside in the stadium, it’s a first experience for them. . I bet by the end of the evening they will be happy to have that breeze blowing on them from the wind instead of being shoved into a hot stuffy gym with no air flow..

Today is the last day of middle school for my youngest.. Lord I am feeling old right now.. But my Tomboy will officially be in high school..Time flies by …even though I have been with them during each of these steps it sometimes I feel as if I am watching from the outside.. I can remember holding each of these precious lives in my arms, how small and tiny they were.. How it felt as if the pregnancy was going to last a life time now I am reflecting back about how fast it went. Now time is at hand to enjoy each moment for they are fleeting.. it will not be much longer that they will want to hang out and watch a movie with dear old Mom and Dad.. I can say that Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part2 is on the agenda for the Midnight Premiere for this family..what about you?? What are you plans for the summer lets me know… lets try to help each other out with ideas for I do know when I start hearing …”Mom I’m Bored” I tend to loose all thoughts out of my brain..

Summer Trippin 2011

The very first weekend of Summer 2011, we started off at a Splash Park in Ironton Ohio. This is a new feature to our city, something for the kids to do and best of all its FREE.. WIth the state of the current economy I am sure I am not the only one looking for things fun to do with your families that doesnt cost a small fortune..
For the very first time in weeks we had nothing but lots of Sunshine, warm breeze a blowing through the trees,so it was decided FAMILY TIME .. Since we have a small car at this current time , I decided to take two trips to get everyone there legally.. The first one I took my hubby and our youngest to the Splash Park, allowing them to stake out the most perfect place.. While my older two kids went to pick up one of thier friends and the most perfect lunch awaits us, Zanzais Pizza  (http://www.zanzis.com/ZanzisMenu.htm) .. So after we picked up Natasha's friend Sunshine, I called in our order... Yummy , Sausage Pizza with and without Mushrooms, Barbaque Chicken Pizza and Cheese pizza for the little ones.. My best friend Terra , Amber (her sister) an her babies meet us at the water park as soon as they finished thier soccer games.
It was so much splashing around in the water, with the kids ..Watching Levi try to destroy the water as it jets out of the ground..an just hanging out and being a family.. I have always said that family is not defined by the blood that runs through your veins but your heart.. An I love those babies as much as I love my own.. Now since school doesnt offically end until Tuesday for us I wonder where the summer will find us.. Since I do believe that this was an excellent start.. So for you my wonderful readers.. tell me what your summer plans are, fill me in on your ideas for fun filled times that doesnt cost alot.. Lets try to make Summer 2011 the best one yet.. and most importantly not go in debt doing it.. LOVE to you all until the next time I sit down in front of this key board reaching out to you..

Cinderella.... The Transformation of a Tomboy into My Princess...

Sa-Rai was involved in a school Play called Cinderella, she loves acting and wants to become and actor.. So this is her journey into a bright new world, that for my shy child has became a revelation of hidden talent and strength. For you see ,Sa-Rai has been my tomboy since life was breathed into her soul. Even though as her mother I loved having the long cascading curls down her back, she would run into my arms going " Pull it up Momma, pull it into a ponytail, an get it out of my way.. " That was even at a year old, she was the one running around with bib overalls on, bare feet, chasing cars around the house an watching "Bob the Builder" ... 
Sa-Rai has never fit into a mold, or conformed to anything other than she thought she ought to be , being the youngest of my children, she has always been the "baby" .. Doing exactly anything that she deemed interesting .. She loves to draw, read comic books, play video games and hang out with her best friends. Not shopping at the malls,or chasing after boys.. She is my girl that I can find exploring out in the woods, or in front of the computer chatting with her best friends.. 
She was bitten by the acting bug a while ago, but not knowing exactly where to go or what to do.. It has taken her a while to proceed .. When her middle school had try-outs for their play "Cinderella" she wanted to try out.. With try-outs, a dentition came, and thus she was added to the cast Ensemble...They (the Cast) practice every day after school until 5- 5:30 pm thus making a long day.. As the play grew closer they practiced until 8.. I can tell you know that the play was scheduled the last full week school was ending.. 
There was many first in this play for Sa-Rai, first time she would be singing in front of a live audience, first time she would be wearing makeup, and curling her hair,the first time she would be sharing her talented self with the world .. Aw my baby has surely grown up, and is no longer that little Tomboy I see in my mind.. The confidence of being able to put on a full length formal gown and be comfortable in it, came from Mollie Mayfield Pettingill... who taught Sa-Rai that she can still have fun, be herself even if she is in a dress..
I am so blessed to have the beautiful young women I have , even though in my heart and soul they are still my beautiful babies..  I am blessed to have the friends that I have , for I would be lost without them.. I have often said it "takes a village to raise a child' and i firmly believe that . for each person that comes into our lives leaves an imprint on our soul, and heart.. so with this I leave a final closing.. I am so proud to be a mother to my Three beautiful angels, I am proud of Sa-Rai for all she has accomplished in her 13 years that she has been on this earth and all she is going to accomplish( the child who was never suppose to live) and proud to have the friends and family I have without you I would not be half the woman, mother that I am.. Thanks for being there for me and my family.. 

Mother's Day

My Mother's Gift

Well as you can see , Im starting my blog off with my present to my Mother. A photo collage of her children and grandchildren. I am the type of person that likes to make things for people because to me it comes from the heart, a lot of thought, time and engery goes into the gift.. Not just walking into Walmart an picking up the first thing that you run into .. I love photographs for they are truly a moment captured in time, a moment that I can never get back again . How my beautiful babies have grown into beautiful young women, I am so proud of them. Well for a run-down of my Mother's Day... I went to Church with my family, stopped in to my Moms and Mom(inlaw) and gave them my presents from us. I am the crafty one of my family so the gifts are a joint gift from me , my brother , sister in law brother in law and all the grandkids on both sides of the family.. Came home and made my Tacos for dinner, why you ask because  I wanted them.. Had a amazing dinner with my brother and family.. I love nights like this when the house is full of laughter and family. Then Charles an I settled into our kingsize bed to watch our Tv shows... Then my other *kids* called home, I loved hearing thier beautiful voices and listen to the exictment of wedding plans.. (Yes world I am talking about Jeff and his beautiful Mackenzie) I love these people with all of my heart. .

My Mother(inlaws) Gift

Do you have to give birth to be a mother? In my honest heartfelt opionion no. There has been many great women in my life that has helped shaped me into the wife, and mother that I am. I would not be half the person I am today without them. I love my mother-in law , she has always been a friend to me, my Great- Aunt Frankie was a mother figure in my life , an  I miss her everyday.. And I have had the privlage and even heart ache of loving children that I didnt give birth too. There are many special ones in my life an I would not trade anything for them, for them adding beauty and love to my life.I love my Returned Missionaries they are family to me, they brought so much love, joy into my life and family.. I dont know what or where  I would be without them. I love my church family, even though we all have our ups and downs there is unconditional love there.. So I want to leave you all with a poem that I found and it touched my heart.. An  I actually included this poem on the back of the Photos I made..

A Mother Heart

A mother heart is purely guided
As she senses her identity
She then becomes further ignited
Through her natural ability
How is a mother heart acquired?
But, through a gospel education
With strength and honor, she's attired
To strive without equivocation
Her tongue speaks the law of kindness
As she opens her mouth with wisdom
She eats not the bread of idleness
As she labors amongst God's kingdom
Her hands stretch out unto the poor
To willingly feed from her store
She looks well to her household duties
And her price is far above rubies
Out of small things proceedeth much verve
And, for her family, she delights to serve
Who is a mother heart? Why, it is us!
Before earth we shouted for joy at the trust
And we are here to attain earth life goals
By the side of righteous men each with their roles
Which neither can reach independently
To become endowed exponentially
Our work here is laying a great foundation
And obedience is part of this life's education
Those who're diligent will have much more advantage
As they take their considerable gifts and learn to manage
By developing a mother heart we prepare
To be blessed with a "quiver full" under our care
There is no limit then to what we can accomplish
To make the world a better place if we're conscientious
Julie B. Beck
A "Mother Heart"
Liahona, May 2004, 75

So until next time love each other, and be thankful to the women you have in your life because you are not promised tomorrow..

The Royal Wedding and other News worthy Headlines

Yes, I am one of those millons of Americans that anxiously sat in front of thier tv's to see the commoner become a Princess, thats every little girls dream right? I was of the generation that can remember watching Lady Diana marry Prince Charles, seeing Prince Willam grow up through photographs and even that horrible tradgey that took a mother away from her precious boys. As Alana and I watched the Wedding unfold on tv, the main thoughts that kept running through my mind was how much Prince William looks and acts like his mother, how much he must miss her and how much his wife would make his mother proud. Princess Diana never conformed to royal protocol and standards, She raised her boys to think about the world around them, taught them about true human suffering and to help the world around you. They have become better men for it, and now as William married for love, I know he made his mother proud.
For a mother is proud of her children no matter what they do. But there are days as a parent that you can do nothing right, when you feel like your kids are not listening to the messages that you try to instill in them.Then out of the blue they suprise you, they say or do something and your like....."wow" they really are listening. Ive taught my kids actions speak louder then words, and every action /choice you make in this life has a consquence whether in this life or the one that is to come you will have to face those consquences of your choice.
Just like the death of Bin Laden, an I so proud to live in a country that has freedom. I am so proud of my family/friends that are willing to lay thier lives down to insure that we are free everyday. I am proud of thier wives that go months to years at time keepin the home fires burning, and childrening growing up healthy and strong as thier Daddy fights in wars for our freedom. Words can never truly express the love and appreciaion I have for each member of our military.Just as the Germans learned with World War 1, Japanese learned in World War II, North Vietnam learned in "The Conflict" you may come an attack us, you may even knock the wind out of our sails but we will get back up and fight. American will attack and hit back harder than you could ever imagine, we will preserve freedoms even if lives are lost they are never forgot. I am so glad that we can finally close a horrible chapter in American History and may the families that were effected on September 11th 2001 finally have closure. May thier lives finally begin to heal, I know that when you loose someone you love you are never truly the same again but instead of sorrow an fear may they find peace. May the men an women fighting wars in countries all over the world finally be allowed to come home.

I saw a sign the other day..

I saw a church sign the other day that has me pondering on it for days.. Which is not that unsual for me an these signs.. But this one said, "its not where you come from but where you going that counts.." An I for one have to publicly disagree.. For  I believe that before I came to this world I lived with my Heavenly Father.. I choose to come to the earth to take upon this body, and then to do my best to return with honor to my Heavenly Father. .Even though life is full of struggles, joys and tempations I still believe its about Where I came from , what Im doing while Im here and how I return back to my creator..
Life is meant to be hard, to smooth the rough edges off us personally and spirtually.. But there are days that I feel like Im barely treading water.. People are more discouraging than incouraging..
 The churches are full of people who are not there to worship the creator , and help thier fellow man to Heaven. But they are there to act like pre-schoolers and start the drama, add to the pain.. What is the point of going into a building to worship your creator if it takes more stress and strain out of you then staying at home.. Why should you have to build a wall aroound you just to "assoicate" with supposedly like mind indivuals? I know my Father in Heaven loves me , my family loves me and wants me to suceed everyone else can just kiss it. .an back off.. I'm tired of trying to hang on, on struggling to stand  on my own to feet especially when I just get knocked back down.. so its time to for me to let the stress and strain of worrying go.. and Rely on my Heavenly Father. .

Confusion

I am filled with confusion and heartbreak.. In times like these I pray for the strength to carry on.. Millions of things run through my mind.. I hate to hide behind pretenses but I'm tired of letting people in just to feel this pain.. To put the walls down, have my heart smashed into a million pieces. To hear your voice now its a million miles away.. it breaks my heart .. I dont know what I did to you, but know that no matter what I will always love you.. You are family, that will never change.. will  I let you in as close as you once were ...I dont know that answer questions ravage my mind like hidden daggers that attacks the very soul.. Who ever wrote the lines that Its better to have loved and lost....surely never  truly loved.. I love the experiance of having you in my life, I love the very being of your soul.. but I miss you.. I miss our things that we did together.. if you wouldve or could have let me in..then maybe I wouldnt feel this pain now. Maybe I would  feel like Ive done something horribly wrong.. Was I not good enough for the truth??? What went so wrong?? Could you just email me or let me know ..so the questions will stop swimming through my brain and soul.. so i can begin to heal and leave this place of pain and sorrow...

Heart Monitors and Iv Sticks

Heart monitors an Iv Sticks




I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, my life,and my family .do I have all the answers: No..Am I scared.....More than I will ever publicly admitt too...

Yet the only Thing that runs through my mind right now is my Grandmothers favorite Scriptures," The Lord is my Shepherd ,I shall not want. He leads me beside still waters ..." so I know that matter how difficult life gets I will never have to walk it Alone.. for I will have my Heavenly Father looking out for me an my family walking by my side ..

Heart monitors an Iv Sticks

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, my life,and my family .do I have all the answers: No..Am I scared.....More than I will ever publicly admitt too...
Yet the only Thing that runs through my mind right now is my Grandmothers favorite Scriptures," The Lord is my Shepherd ,I shall not want. He leads me beside still waters ..." so I know that matter how difficult life gets I will never have to walk it Alone.. for I will have my Heavenly Father looking out for me an my family walking by my side ...'>new blog I find myself

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