Ashley…

Sitting here at KDMC with Ash.. She has been through hell and back in the last two weeks.. First of all she developed an abscess, which I am no stranger too.. It was caused by her sugars being too high..Then after the surgery to remove the infection in he abscess she developed the Flesh Eating Bacteria Virus on top of septic..

I know that without the blessing she was given by our full-time missionaries that we have currently serving in our ward. I know without a shadow of a doubt she was closer to the veil than she was here.. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for restoring the Priesthood power to the Earth..

Now she has two blood clots in her right arm, an one in left arm.. She is also in the beginning stages of kidney failure. But I know through the power of prayer and the loving grace of our Heavenly Father He can bring her through this and anything else in her way from a full recovery..

So right now I am currently taking the Night shift at the hospital so her Mom and Dad can sleep.. Her other family members can take the time during the day.. I am not complaining a bit, I love her so much .. I can remember her being a baby sitting on Mom Gibbs knee.. Hearing her say “Run Petey Run..” oh .. how the memories have flooded my mind of Mom and Dad Gibbs as of lately.. I wish  I could hear their precious voices once again..But on the other hand I am so glad they are not here watching their granddaughter go through this hell .. So as I close with a final thought I am asking you to pray for my niece… Whether you believe in a higher power or not.. she can use all the prayers , love and positive support her way..

Another School Year…

Oh my in less than 24 hours my babies will be officially high school students..Where has the time gone, it feels like yesterday that they were toddlers running around my feet.. now they are beautiful independent women..

As of in the morning I will have a sophomore and a freshman at RUSSELL HIGH SCHOOL.. oh my oh my I  am feeling rather old today.. Well the back packs are bought, filled with school supplies(papers and pens) , their shoes are bought..now its time to find that “right” outfit to wear.. then off to school in the am..

Happy Birthday Baby Sister..

Today you were born upon this earth, you were truly and angel that existed on this earth for the brief years you graced us with your love and presence. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and talk to with you for I would never want to bring you here for where you are you are truly free in the presence of our Heavenly Father.. I wish I could hear your sweet laughter once again but I know I will one day.. and on that day that we are reunited we will never have to part again. I know your watching over me and my girls from the beautiful skies above.

I can still remember seeing your beautiful smile in September when I was in a coma. I felt no fear just love, peace and acceptance. I so wanted to just to be able to hold you in my arms once again , but you stopped me that’s when I remembered my beautiful girls . .. and what my loss would mean to them.. I thank you for that.. for without them I don’t know where I would be..

Baby Sister I just want you to know how much I love you.. I know if you were still with us you would have a been a very distinguished doctor prolly with a million babies running around.. So many people are still stuck in 1995 with you , your so loved and missed.. Danny and Amy became medical professionals because of you.. Because of you Nancy was able to move on find love, and become such and amazing artists.. Your friends that have children now take them to meet you to tell them WHY not to drink an drive.. Oh My if you could see Alana Gail now, shes not a baby anymore but a beautiful amazing woman… Oh how much I love an miss you sissy.. This is not a goodbye its until I'm with you again..

Unexpected Blessings..

There has been many many unexpected blessings come our way in the last two wks.. Heavenly Father is answering many prayers that have long been praying.. I know the scriptures say that “Heavenly Father will only answer prayers that are for our benefit ,”but sometimes its so hard to hang on when your praying and you see nothing Change..

 

I am not going into the Changes right now, I am requesting that you guys still pray for me because its not over yet..But this battle that I have been struggling with for far too long is almost over.. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels when I was in coma full of love, peace and just blessings..

Moving…

Seeing your life hauled into contents of boxes, stirs up emotions an sometimes memories.. I hate moving , I hate trying to plan what usually becomes utter chaos. because no matter how many boxes you have , you will always need more.. An I don’t know why but in my household something always ends up broke. Whether it be a picture frame, or something as big  as a latch on an appliance.

As I am surrounded by what feels like a million boxes, there are easily a million memories that go with each box.. Sometimes its as easy a card that I had received in the mail, “ you know the kind Im just thinking of you today” or a report card from a long ago year..
Like with each passing of the school year that is a milestone that will never be crossed again. As I long for stability in my children’s life. I know the most important things is NOT where we live but how we live.. Its more important that we are all together, united as one household*One Family* jn stead of living separate worlds.. *Yes I do realize the Journey Reference, even though its after 5am I'm awake enough to catch a good song.. *

On a much happier note I was able to purchase tickets for the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part2 ….In 3D ….with line skip…  I know might not seem that exciting to you guys out there but the last time Alana and I saw Harry Potter in 3D*even though it as on IMax* was because she was soo sick in Children's in Cincinnati .. an that movie was Goblet of Fire… so that tells you something right.. I know we will need about a billion boxes of tissues but I think the 3D effect will make you feel apart of the battle which is what happens when you read anyway.. An yet that is and end of an Era,,

Life is a great circle full of movement , and Road blocks..

While visiting a dear friend of mine this past week I noticed stenciled on her wall, FAMILY , A JOURNEY TO ENTERITY.. *or something to that affect for I was quite emotional * ..

Well any who that has gotten this mind of my whirling.. For I am one of those that personally believe that we lived in Heaven before we came down here to take upon this mortal body.. And before I start rambling into Primary Songs, I know that live is hard , its full of roadblocks, heck even our own personal Hurricanes and tornado's .. We may not be affected by them physically but we can be emotionally, mentally or even spiritually..  I think the ones that know me best, know I have been in the middle of my own Spiritual hurricane.. An I like anyone who has ever survived a hurricane knows I battened down the hatches around my heart, my home , my family..

I have never been on to be an open book to others, to be able to ask for support if I truly needed or even let people know I was drowning.. My life has been full of love, laughter and even devastation, There has been many things that I have overcame , that would have killed a lesser woman.. I am not being boastful or arrogant .. I am just simply stating the things that I have overcame in this lifetime would warp your mind if you allowed it.. But once I had my beautiful daughter my survival became for most in my life, for I had to survive to take care of her.. She was my world, my very reason or existing.. All three of my children are, even when they’re trying my patience and turning me grey.. 

Looking over the last 4 years of my life there has been many changes, many ups and downs. Some of them blow my mind or I couldn’t imagine how empty my life, and my family would have been without some of these blessings… How people I didn’t know Four years ago , I would lay my life down for now if they needed it.. I am thankful for the love and support you all have shown me, an brand new world I never knew existed.. For when you say your love someone they actually mean it.. For people showing they love ,support me without wanting to hurt me or something first for them selves.

Granted I would love to take away some of the challenges that we have had , and continue to have but one thing I've learned is that even when we are walking into our own personal “living nightmare or hellish existence” Heavenly Father is always there with us loving us and wanting us to turn to him.. Sometimes when we pray its not that he’s not listening .. its just that the answer is not for our benefit so that’s why we are getting silence. . He loves us so much an only wants things for our benefit.. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father who is bedside me each step of the way on this side of mortality and waiting for me on the other side of immortality For when this race is finished I know that my home will be with my loved ones.. I am so Thankful that I know that Families are Forever.. .

Changes an Self Reflection

I am not the biggest fan of Changes, whether those changes are good for me or bad.. I have such a hard time letting people in and get close to me , for my biggest fear is rejection. Of loving someone and not being loved in returned. So If you have breached the wall that I have been around myself “Congratulations” because its not easy but yet its not something I can change.

One of my greatest quirks about myself that I am starting to find as one of my greatest strengths … Is that I tell you exactly what I am thinking.. an Feeling (most of the time LOL) the feeling part is still a great work in progress.. I am so tired of all the people whom seem to think that your life is their business, and if you don’t let them into your life they just make up an spread lies about you anyway.. I’ve been out of High School an long time now and yet some people never out grow that mentality of “Clicks” or destroying other people with their mouths. I am usually very tolerant of their stupidity but once they drag my children or family into their drama I See “RED” and all complete rational thought go out of my brain an my mouth goes into over-drive .. Yes I do see that as a flaw and I am currently working on the problem..

Life is crazy hard enough without other people trying to drag other people down.. So please encourage, love other people and like your mother told you ( or if she didn’t I will ) if you have NOTHING good to say then Say NOTHING at all. You don’t know what other people are experiencing in their lives, you don’t know their heartaches, stress or even medical problems .. so learn to leave your comments to yourself unless its full of love an appreciation for life is too short for all the DRAMA!!!