10 RULES for Dating my daugher...
Current mood:
loved
10 Simple Rules for Dating my DaughterlovedRule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you better be delivering a
package. Because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about
this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with
your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take
my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely n place to your
waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when
it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I will KILL YOU.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about
sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The
only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect
to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need
from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it's ok with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no other but her until she is finished with you. If you
make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
If you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by. Do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
be on time for the movie you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the
Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don't you do
something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where these is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
T-shirts, or anything other than overalls , a sweater and a goose down parka
zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes
are to be avoided: movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be middle-aged, dimwitted has been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom you have one chance to tell me the truth. The whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel and five
acres behind the house. Do not Trifle with me.
Finally..Rule Ten:
BE AFRAID. Be very afraid. , the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my little girl home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password and announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and EARLY, then return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside, the camouflaged face at the window is HER DADDY!!!! .
Rata Lynn Stevens- Robi…For all of you who know me and my children and thier FATHERS you know the military runs deep in these mens viens!!!!! and WE were all in ROTC together... way back when... GOD Guys are we old or what...
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